Preconceptions
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Xander loses his memory and Buffy decides it's the perfect time to cut him out of the slaying. What he doesn't remember he can't miss and by the time his memory returns it'll be a done deal, right?
1. Chapter 1

**Preconceptions**

**Disclaimer: I own no series that anyone who could afford lawyers would bother suing me over. **

**Prologue**

"I have some good news Mr. Harris, all the tests we've run have come back negative. You are in perfect health – in fact a couple of the physicians on staff suggest you're slightly better than that. Your reflexes, hearing and lung capacity are superior to most." The doctor winked at him. "Not enough to label you an X-man, but certainly superior."

Alexander smiled. "Well that's lucky for me. Any idea about the memory problems?"

"Unfortunately there is no quick fix for amnesia. There was a very good chance your memory would have returned in the last couple of days, unfortunately that didn't occur. Most cases of amnesia last less than a week. It is out hope that familiar surroundings, filled with things you want to remember, will jar your memory. Failing that … well there is no easy way to say this so I'll just give it to you bluntly – if your memory doesn't return during the next month... It's likely to never return at all."

"Wow, that was blunt." Alexander said. "But I appreciate it Doc. I'd rather deal with the cold hard facts than someone blowing smoke up my … nose."

"Then I'm glad to be of service. Just be glad that you only lost your personal history. It could have been much worse. Imagine having to attend kindergarten all over again."

"Good point," Alexander said gratefully. "I'm healthy and I know who I am, even if all the details are gone, so not a lot of drama there. Well shucks, seems like I'm not movie of the week material after all."

The Doc laughed. "Nah, but maybe a fifteen minute warning video on the dangers of head injuries."

Alexander grinned. "When I got up that morning I thought to myself; I should wear a helmet. Then I foolishly dismissed the thought because I wasn't on the football team. Now I know better."

"But in all seriousness, you have to **want** your memories to return. So I heartily encourage you to do anything you find you enjoy doing and have your friends over as much as possible."

"So it's about my mental state, not my physical condition?" he asked curiously.

"Six of one, and a half dozen of the other, unfortunately. In most cases like yours it's been found that those who want to regain their memories will do so. While those that have had … less than pleasant lives will take the opportunity to repress everything. You see, people try to repress memories every day but the way one memory leads to another by association prevents it from working, so when the brain is offered a 'repress all free' ticket – it takes it and with no memory associations to work with …"

"I get the picture Doc. Let's hope I have a happy life or I'll have to find a new one, but truthfully, I seem to be a pretty upbeat guy so I'm betting I have a pretty good life."

**AN: Everyone thank godogma for typing this out for me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Preconceptions**

**Chapter 1**

**A week earlier: **

The Sunnydale High Nurse's Office bore witness to many a strange wound or injury, but to the nurse's recollection, ironically enough, this was the first time they'd had to deal with something that would fit in one of her soap operas.

"You don't remember anything, Mr. Harris?"

"I didn't even know my name was Harris. What's my full name?" the dark haired teen asked.

"Alexander LaVelle Harris."

"LaVelle, that's a hell of a thing to stick a kid with." He snickered. "Pardon my French."

"I've heard worse."

"Yes, but hopefully not from me. I wasn't raised to be rude to ladies." He paused and frowned before continuing, "At least, I hope I wasn't."

The nurse smiled. "I don't recall you ever being rude to me if that helps."

"It does, thanks." Alexander smiled back at her.

"An ambulance has already been called for you. You seem to be ok, except for the memory loss – but even without that, any injury that causes someone to lose consciousness must be examined by a fully licensed physician."

*** * ***

"Did you hear? Harris was taken away in an ambulance."

"No way!"

"Yeah, he was just minding his own business when BAM! And they had to take him to the nurses' office on a stretcher."

"Is he ok?"

"I heard his brains got totally scrambled."

The two gossiping teens left the library unaware of the table full of wide eyed Scoobies behind them.

"Giles," Buffy half asked, half ordered her Watcher.

Giles just nodded as he had already picked up the phone and dialed when the two girls had started talking about Xander being injured.

"Yes, this is Rupert – I was wondering if you could tell me what the condition of Mr. Harris was. He often helps out in the library and I just found out he was injured. Really? Oh my word, that is unusual. Thank you for letting me know, it helps a great deal. Goodbye."

Giles had barely gotten off the phone before he was bombarded with questions.

"I can't answer everyone at once!" he said loudly. "If you would please settle down I'll tell you what I found out."

Everyone fell silent and focused their full attention on Giles.

Taking off his glasses he began cleaning them slowly while he spoke to cover his own worries, "He is uninjured physically, but seems to be suffering from acute amnesia. Ruth said he seems to be fine, if strangely polite for a teenage boy, he simply doesn't remember who he is or anything about his life."

It got loud for several minutes before Buffy stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled loudly to get everyone's attention. "This is perfect!" she declared.

Everyone there simply stared at her as if she'd lost her mind.

"No, listen!" She quickly explained, "We've been trying to think of a way to get him out of the Slaying and this is perfect."

*** * * **

**Present:**

Alexander LaVelle Harris looked around his room one last time, he'd taken a good hard look at his life and he hadn't liked what he saw.

His grades were unimpressive and he found that when he put the slightest effort into improving them he was accused of cheating. He had proved he wasn't cheating, but he'd had to do it for every single class and quite frankly he wondered if it was worth the bother since getting higher grades had gotten him flak from all sides.

His parents, and he used the term loosely, weren't exactly receptive to any changes to the status quo and hadn't reacted well to the new him. Well, he assumed they did because it was really hard to picture anyone living with the two of them willingly if this was the norm, considering their behavior.

Alexander was pretty sure he knew now why a wolf would chew off its own leg when caught in a trap. He looked around Sunnydale and could practically feel the steel jaws closing in on him. People expected him to be some sort of underachieving loser from what he could tell, and any deviation from that was punished.

If he had friends things might have been different, but apparently the group everyone said he hung around with was nothing more than casual acquaintances, not to mention rather unfriendly to outsiders like him. So, he'd decided to leave.

Everything important to Xander Harris; pictures, mementos, and weapons was safely hidden behind the fake back wall of his bedroom closet where it couldn't be broken or stolen. Alexander never knew to look, so there it stayed as he packed up what little clothing he had that didn't make his eyes hurt and hit the road.

He kept to the back alleys as he headed for the bus stop. The last thing he wanted was to get caught by the cops and returned "home". Sure, there seemed to be a serious lack of police after nightfall in this town, but he didn't want to press his luck. Best to be safe and stick to the shadows.

**Five minutes later:**

'Note to self, next time – press it.' Alexander thought to himself as he backed down the dead end alley, a fanged figure stalking toward him slowly.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" a broad shouldered man said as he took in the scene.

'Shit!' Alexander thought, 'A good Samaritan.' He was more shocked by the appearance of someone trying to help him than by the vampire. He'd known somewhere in the back of his mind that vampires existed – but people going out of their way to help him?! In this town?! 'I think my reality check just bounced.'

"I told you this is my turf!" the 'Good Samaritan' growled as his game face came out.

Reality reasserted itself in Xander's mind. Vamps fighting over who got to eat him just seemed to fit what he knew of his life so far.

The two vampires tore into each other savagely with the smaller one getting the worst of it by far.

Scanning the alley Alexander didn't see a way out except past the two vamps and he wasn't about to get in between them. Spotting a metal pole with a hunk of concrete on the end he began to smile.

Alexander brought his makeshift hammer down on the larger vamps' head hard enough that he snapped its neck.

"At least he didn't win," the smaller vamp gargled out through a broken jaw. "I don't think I'm going to be able to heal this, and you don't want to know what happens to crippled vamps. Stake me?"

"I'll knock you out first so you won't feel the stake," Alexander promised.

"Thanks, for a blood bag you're all right," the vampire said just before Alexander clocked him with the pipe.

"Don't mention it," he muttered, quickly stripping the two vamps of everything they possessed of any value including their jackets before staking them.

The leather jacket the larger vamp was wearing fit comfortably, which surprised him as he thought the smaller one was closer to his size.

Shaking the dust off the smaller one, he wondered what he should do with it. It was valuable enough that he didn't feel right just throwing it away, but if all the local vamps were that into leather it probably wasn't worth it to hit a pawn shop because they probably had a glut of them.

"What happened here?" a dark haired girl asked as she appeared from the shadows.

Alexander shrugged, not showing any of the shock he felt at Faith appearing – wondering if Faith knew about vamps, and figuring she did from certain bulges he could see in the tight clothes she wore. "Here, have a jacket," he said, tossing her the jacket and grabbing his backpack off the ground. He still had a bus to catch, fortunately he'd left early enough that he wasn't in any rush.

"Um, thanks..." Faith said confused. Xander had apparently dusted two vamps for their jackets and he wasn't even breathing hard. 'Wasn't he supposed to be useless in a fight?'

Falling into step beside him she tried to strike up a conversation, "So, what have you been up to?"

He shrugged. "Taking multiple tests to prove I wasn't cheating at school. For some reason that balding midget who runs the school seems to need proof that I can regurgitate the brainless droning the teachers give off accurately before he'll accept I've scored higher than a D."

"That place is a hole. I'm surprised no one has offed him yet," Faith commiserated.

"Yeah, well good luck with that because I'm pretty sure he's part cockroach," he said companionably. Faith was apparently a little friendlier away from the group, but then both Buffy and Cordelia had pulled his former friend Willow away when it looked like she was going to talk to him. So, maybe it was just those two who had a problem with him.

According to rumor he'd dated one or both of them, possibly at the same time. 'Which would explain the hostility. Oh well, don't remember and don't care. Whatever problem they have with me is their own lookout, since I don't remember it.'

"So, where we going?" Faith asked, as tactless as a bull in a china shop which made him laugh.

"I am heading for the bus station. I have an appointment with the 105 to LA."

"What's in LA?" she asked curiously.

"A place that isn't Sunnydale. You may not have noticed." He smirked. "But this town is a hole – and it's got a major infestation." He paused as Faith suddenly dove into the shadows returning before he could do more than listen to a familiar poofing noise. "Who in their right mind would want to stay here?"

"So you're pulling up stakes and splitting?"

He grinned at her unintentional pun. "I got nothing to hold me here, and lots of reasons to move on."

"Hmmm," she said thoughtfully. "Family?"

"The Duke and Duchess of Daniels may not be better off for my absence, but I am assuredly better for theirs," Xander said in an over the top, snobby voice.

"Ouch! Friends?"

"None to speak of, and everyone seems to expect me to act like a brainless goofball. When I don't they get nervous and upset. Thus I have a total lack of anything remotely resembling a friend and a lot of pressure to become some sort of loser. Probably so everyone can feel better about themselves," he ranted.

"Damn." Faith didn't know what to say to that.

"Exactly! I have no idea what motivated me to blow off school work and act like 'idiot cousin Jed' for most of my life, but I'm escaping before I'm forced to do it again. Sometimes you just need a fresh start."

Faith nodded. "I hear ya."

"You can get a fake ID made pretty easily in LA. So, one Alexander LaVelle Harris, underage, vanishes and one reasonably priced name, just turned 18, appears." Alexander explained, knowing he was probably sharing more than she wanted to know and realizing that being friendless really had been harder on him than he'd realized.

The conversation moved on to other things, as he found she genuinely was interested in what had happened to him and what his life was like now, until they finally reached the bus station.

"I've moved around a lot but it always seems to wind up same shit, new scenery," she warned him.

Alexander nodded. "But part of the reason for that is it's always been the old you." He quickly launched into an explanation when he saw her glare, "People are creatures of habit, and I'm willing to bet that in every new place you went to you looked for parts that were like your old haunts and had people like your old crowd, right?"

Faith shrugged. "It's where I fit in."

"Yeah, but it's also the reason why you have to deal with the same problems over and over. The type of people you hang with are the ones that cause the problems, so going to places where they hang out just guarantees going through the same shit over and over. At least it does if you occupy the same role."

"How do you mean?"

"People judge by appearances, because really, what other choice is there? Unless you're a telepath you have to judge by appearances and that means clothes, body language and accents."

"Accents?"

"Yeah, its why you don't see any brain surgeons with southern accents. Thanks to movies and stereotypes, anyone with a southern accent is immediately deemed a hick and twenty IQ points are deducted. So to avoid being labeled as a hick, they develop an accent based on whatever doctor they respect the most."

"Whoa!"

"It's also about vocabulary, in the hospital all the candy stripers and a few of the nurses seemed to think amnesia and brain damage equated to the same thing. So I borrowed a dictionary and a thesaurus from the hospital library. It only took two days to change the way I spoke and get them to stop treating me like a child and more like a ticking time bomb. I'm relatively sure that everyone in Sunnydale knows about vampires on some level, which explains why trying to change yourself here is met by fear and derision. First impressions are hard to shake, but in Sunnydale they're impossible."

"It'd take more than a couple of days with a book to get me speaking like to, I ain't a MENSA candidate here."

"Faith, you've understood everything I've said. At no point in this conversation have I had to dumb anything down or explain a single word. That means you have the vocabulary, you just don't use it."

"It would sound dumb coming from me," she said, not even looking in his direction, instead staring off into the night.

"Ah," Alexander said knowingly. "You have the voices in your head."

"What?!"

"Memories of people telling you; no, impossible, can't, couldn't, those voices tend to stick with you, dragging you down, and keeping you from doing anything new. You want to know a secret?"

"Yeah?" Faith said, half looking like she was going to bolt.

"Those voices are from people who wanted to keep you down, because they were afraid you were better than them. I'm willing to bet the people those voices belonged to always laughed when you failed at anything. So, why would they discourage you from doing anything that they could get a chuckle over? I'll tell you why, because they knew everything they said you couldn't do, was something you could and they were afraid to try themselves," Alexander said fervently.

"Damn, you put a lot of thought into this didn't you?" Faith asked, stared at him.

"Since I have no friends, I have a lot of free time... So I read some books and figured some things out. When people close their eyes, they hear the voices of everyone that ever said can't at them and if they're lucky they have a good number of voices saying can from people who have encouraged them to balance it out. But do you know what I hear when I close my eyes?"

"What?" Faith asked, spellbound.

"Not a single solitary thing. From what I've seen of my life, losing those voices was worth losing my memories, because I've got nothing holding me back anymore, and I'm guessing Xander had a whole lot holding him."

"Yeah," Faith agreed, thinking about the way his "friends" had cut him from their lives in some twisted plan to save him. "Didn't the principle and the teachers say you couldn't pass those tests?"

"Yeah, but people telling you that you can't walk after a five mile run can be ignored. The voices can only get in when there is some doubt involved."

Alexander stood up and grabbed his bag as the bus arrived. "It's been nice talking to you Faith, if you ever decide to come to LA – well you'll probably never be able to find me, since even I don't know what my new name is going to be, but if you did, I would welcome the company."

Faith called out as Alexander climbed on the bus, "Yo, Xander!"

Alexander looked back at her questioningly. "Alexander. Xander sounds like I'm five."

"Anyone ever tells you that you can't do anything, ignore them because Faith says you can!"

"Right back at you Faith, you can do anything as long as you don't let them hold you down."

She stood there for at least ten minutes after the bus had left, thinking about LA and how hard it would be to find someone there if you didn't even have a name for them.

**AN: Same writer and the typist (who insured you actually got to read it) as always!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Preconceptions**

**Chapter 2**

"He was absent again today," Willow worried aloud.

"He's probably just got the flu or something. If you're that worried you could always call his house and check on him," Buffy suggested.

"No, I can't. He thinks we're old friends who drifted apart, that means I can't even say hi to him, much less call his house."

"I'm sure he's fine, Willow. If it'll put your mind at ease, I'll call his house tomorrow if he fails to show up. I'll just say I'm from the school so he won't connect the call to you," Giles suggested.

"Who we talking about?" Faith asked, as she came in from patrolling with Wesley while the Scoobies had been hitting the books to find a reference to some blue scaled thing that had been eating local fishermen.

"Xander," Oz said, not taking his eyes off the demonic tome he was studying.

"The dweeb hasn't been to school all week. He probably caught a cold and is milking it to get out of spirit week," Cordy said as she painted her nails.

"Nah, he split town last week," Faith said absently, as she grabbed a chair and started looking for a book that was written in a language she could understand. She was honestly surprised by the sudden explosion her news created.

"What do you mean he split town?!" Willow finally managed to yell, startling the others into silence.

"I mean he caught a bus into LA and said he wasn't planning on coming back," Faith said, wondering what their problem was.

"But he wouldn't just leave his friends like that," Willow protested.

"What friends?" Faith asked, clearly confused.

"Us," Buffy took over for the deathly pale Willow. "Me, Willow, Oz," she started to say Cordy and abruptly switched to Giles.

"Since when are you his friends? Because I don't think he got the memo. I know I didn't," Faith said.

"What?" Buffy asked shocked.

"Alexander only knows about you guys by rumor and the couple of weeks of personal interaction while he was around," Faith said slowly like she was talking to a group of five year olds. "Which means he knows you don't like him or want him around."

"Since when?!" Buffy demanded.

"Since any time you've seen him you told him to go away or gave him the cold shoulder. Hell, you guys regularly insult him when his name comes up."

"We do not!" Buffy protested.

"Cordy still has a mad on for Xander, so I can get where she's coming from," Faith said with a nod to Cordelia who was glaring at her bottle of nail polish like it had just killed her dog, but not saying anything. "But you and Willow always go on about how you're glad he's not here or how he'd screw things up. So, where exactly did the idea that he's your friend come from?"

"Those are in jokes based on comments he's made," Buffy protested.

"We've been friends since kindergarten, and Buffy's been our friend since she got here," Willow stated.

"You were friends with Xander, Alexander doesn't know you at all and likely never will."

"How do you mean?" Giles said calmly.

"Well, Alexander said the Doc told him that if his memory was going to come back it would probably happen within the first week or so and that being around familiar and comforting sights would help bring it back. That's why he was sent home after only a couple of days, they'd hoped being home would trigger some memories, but from what he said about his parents I'm guessing abusive drunks ain't exactly something he's fond of. They probably hoped being at school with his friends would work if his home didn't, but he didn't find any friends here and Snyder insured he wouldn't think of this place fondly."

"He cheated in all his classes and got caught, I don't know why – he never used to be like that," Willow protested.

"No he didn't," Giles said. "I was there when they quizzed him orally, trying to trip him up. He read, retained, and regurgitated the lessons pretty easily, to use his own words."

"See, now you're insulting his intelligence," Faith explained. "Why would I think you were friends?"

"But he was never that smart before," Willow protested. "I always had to help him with his homework and we just wanted to keep him safe."

Faith shrugged. "I guess he was hiding his brains for some reason then, or had a different reason for wanting you to help with his homework, because it wasn't lack of brains. As for keeping him safe, I still don't have a clue how this was supposed to do that. From the way you all talk I thought you just wanted to ditch some deadwood."

"We were keeping him safe by keeping him uninformed in the Slaying," Buffy said firmly. "He was always getting in the way and getting hurt."

Faith scratched her head. "I guess he got hurt a lot before I got here. I don't get how this was going to make him safe though. I mean, how is not knowing about vampires going to improve his lifespan on the Hellmouth?"

"Oops," Oz said in his usual deadpan tone, keeping Faith from telling if he was being sarcastic or serious.

"I … I didn't think of that," Buffy admitted. "I didn't think he'd forget them too."

Faith nodded. "Well you don't have to worry about that, I saw two vamps chase him into an alley on the way to the bus station, so he knows about them at least."

"What happened?" Wesley quickly asked, wanting to avoid the girls yelling.

"Don't know. Both vamps were down and out by the time I got there. Alexander laid them out, rolled them for cash then staked them. He gave me the small one's jacket and I walked him to the bus station. We talked a bit before he split, he hadn't even broken a sweat dealing with them."

"Suddenly Xander's smarter and a great fighter?" Buffy asked suspiciously. "Sounds like he got possessed again, we'll have to catch him and drive whatever is controlling him out!"

Faith rolled her eyes. "I didn't get any vibe off him, he's clean and since he plans on getting a Fake ID so he can get a job its kinda a moot point. You ain't gonna find him, and he isn't likely to want to remember this place or anything in it. So you can forget his memories and him coming back on their own."

Faith couldn't tell what Oz thought and Giles looked a little sad in comparison to Wesley, who clearly didn't care, Cordelia looked pissed but Buffy and Willow looked like they were about to break down in tears. "Hey, he ain't dead. You wanted him safe and now he's off the Hellmouth completely."

The girls began to sniffle and Faith wondered what she'd said that set them off. "He's got to be safer in LA than on the Hellmouth rolling vamps for cash."

Buffy and Willow had stopped sniffling and Faith thought she'd gotten them calmed down. "He'll get a nice normal job, and live a nice normal life. He's a smart guy. It's not like he's someone who's driven to go running around saving perfect strangers like a Slayer."

The girls broke down in tears.

"What? Oh come on, what's the odds he'll even find damsels in distress or someone in trouble?!"

Giles went to his office and brought out a bottle of Scotch, which he then began drinking directly from.

"What the hell?!" Faith yelled, "Do you guys hate him, or love him or what? One moment you talk like he's this retarded family dog that should be put down, and next it's like he's suddenly fricken Lassie!"

Giles sipped his scotch. "Don't look at me, my opinion was ignored in the matter."

Oz shrugged.

Wesley frowned. "He was annoying, but useful, and I have no idea what the drama is about. My opinion on the matter wasn't requested."

"I knew I should have hopped on the bus with him. Sane people are scarcer than hen's teeth around here. Are you sure those two aren't possessed, because that love/hate thing doesn't seem normal."

"They were mostly jokes copied from Xander himself," Giles explained. "None of them were meant to be taken seriously."

'I wonder how serious Xander was when he said them. Did people really think he was an idiot or was it that he thought himself one and convinced others to think the same?' "Fuck this, I'm going to go kill something and get drunk. Anyone want to come along?"

"I'm in," Cordelia said, grabbing a short sword.

*** * ***

**A week earlier: **

Alexander settled into the back row of the bus. Even before he remembered vampires existed he'd always liked having a wall at his back. It was nice to know he was just an amnesiac and not a paranoid amnesiac, because apparently at least part of the world was out to get him, well him and everyone else with a pulse anyway.

Giggling to the right of him drew his attention to a couple of girls who couldn't have been more than fifteen wearing makeup and making a poor attempt to look older. One of them sniffed the air and froze, her eyes darting toward him nervously as she nudged her friend to be quiet.

As the two girls stared at him in fear after the other one had sniffed the air as well, he began to wonder if there was something with his cologne.

'What?' he silently mouthed at them.

'Hunter,' one mouthed back silently.

He tried responding but it was obvious that none of them were trained lip readers and one word answers weren't convincing anyone. Finally he reached into his backpack and pulled out a notepad and pen.

The girls had tensed up when he reached into his pack, but quickly calmed down when they noticed him writing.

Alexander and the girls passed the notepad and pen back and forth quite a bit.

i_I'm not any kind of hunter._/i Xander printed.

i_Then why do you smell like blood and death and vampires?_/i she wrote back.

i_I was jumped by a vamp in an alley._/i

i_You smell like more than one vamp._/i

i_The one that jumped me was jumped by another vamp for invading his turf._/i

i_Seriously?_/i She looked a bit dubiously at him.

i_Yeah, I had two vamps fighting over who got to eat me._/i He nodded at her.

i_So, what happened?_/i

i_I knocked out the vamp that was winning with a makeshift hammer, then I mugged and staked them._/i

i_You mugged the vamps?!_/i The girls stared at him.

i_They were going to EAT me, besides its better than letting their valuables dust with them. So how can you smell blood and death on me?_/i

i_We're not fully human._/i one wrote nervously.

i_Ah! Teenage succubus._/i he wrote, nodding at them knowingly, trying to keep from grinning.

The girl's blushes made their squeals of outrage a little less believable.

The girls crossed the aisle and slipped into the seats to either side of him. "We're not succubi!" the one on the right stated firmly, glancing around before looking him dead in the eye and shifting.

If she expected to shock him, she failed miserably.

Alexander took in her new look almost casually; there was a light blue tracing of scales along her temples, under her chin, and along the edge of her nose. Her hair was thicker, almost quill like in texture and her green eyes took on a jewel like quality as her pupils elongated like a cat's. She got a tad bit curvier as well, making her look older.

He leaned forward. "And how is making yourself look even better supposed to make me think you aren't a succubus?" he teased.

She quickly changed back, blushing brightly while the other girl spoke up, "Normally guys who aren't from the clans tend to freak out when they see us like that."

He shrugged. "Well, I'd like to think I'm both smarter and better looking than the average guy..."

The two girls giggled once more, any lingering tension between the three broken.

*** * ***

**Present Day:**

Cordelia's sword sheared through the vampire's neck, effortlessly turning it into a pillar of ash that crumpled in an ethereal wind, covering the table and booth in a fine layer of dust.

The vampire on the other side of the booth gulped and spoke quickly, "Here's twenty bucks, my friend was just sired yesterday, so please don't think his comments reflect my own opinions. Use the twenty to get drinks from the bar while I clean the booth for you."

Faith followed Cordelia to the bar with a bit more respect for her than she had before. Cordelia had shown a side of herself that Faith hadn't known existed. The cheer babe had wielded the sword like she was born to it, maiming and then slaughtering every vamp that had gotten within a few feet of her.

"Jack. Two Liter. Bottle. Bucket of Ice and two glasses," she ordered from Willy. "See to it."

Willy didn't even try to argue.

"So, what's got your panties in a bunch?" Faith asked, showing exactly as much tact as she felt the situation warranted.

Cordelia Chase, a woman who described tact as a form of lying, appreciated her approach to the matter. "I'm pissed that Xander's gone, and I'm pissed that I didn't get to know Alexander when I had the chance."

"I thought you hated him, I couldn't see why – but I figured you had your reasons."

"You know he cheated on me right?"

"Yeah, so?"

The vampire that had cleaned the booth for them delivered their order, for which Cordelia tipped him fifty, and then vanished as quickly as possible.

Faith mixed up their drinks while Cordy sat deep in thought, sipping her drink absently when it was handed to her as she puzzled out her own motivations. For a woman who knew her own mind as well as she did, it didn't take her long to figure it out.

"Because I'm a spoiled bitch in some ways, and a little girl who believes in fairy tales in others." She took a deep breath. "Let me tell you about Xander Harris; he once went up to Angel with a crossbow and a cross forcing him to lead Xander to the Master's cave, with every hope of finding the Master at home. Now, I'm sure there are more than a few people who'd risk their lives to save the world, but how many are prepared to sacrifice their own just to give a friend a slightly better shot at surviving?"

"How come I never heard any stories like that about him?" Faith asked.

"Because to find out things like that, you have to get him to lower his guard and he never lowers it around people he cares for. Personally, I blame his parents for that. I'm pretty sure Angel has seen more of Xander than Willow has. Now, as for me, he loved me, so I had to get him plastered – and considering his fears of becoming an alcoholic that took some doing."

"How did you do it?" Faith asked curiously.

"Easy, I mixed up a couple of pitchers of long island iced tea and challenged him to a game of strip poker." Cordelia smirked.

Faith grinned, happy to find that Cordelia wasn't so very different from her in some ways, as she could easily see herself using that strategy.

"Xander had quite a few stories that he had never told anyone about, and others that he had either downplayed or left out his own part in events. Xander thrived on being underestimated and overlooked. It let him do things that people in the spotlight could never do. How a boy in neon fashion disasters he called shirts could be overlooked time and time again is beyond me. He never sought recognition for risking his life for others, because as far as he was concerned anyone would react the same way and considering the people he hung around with, that's not too far from the truth for them. Despite all the evidence to the contrary he never quit believing that about humanity in general though. Anyway, he only sought recognition as a friend and as a man, never realizing that hiding half of anything he ever did, undercut any respect he might have earned. Maybe it's the Hellmouth's fault, and all the times he put himself down actually affected the minds of the people around him, maybe even his own, like the way Marcy became invisible because she felt invisible so often."

Cordy sipped her drink, unaware or simply not caring that everyone in the bar was listening to them.

"I wasn't really all that pissed about Xander cheating on me, it was who he was cheating on me with – but I'll get back to that in a minute. Xander risked his life to save mine, and not just once but many times; and that was before we were dating. He didn't do it because I was Cordelia Chase rich girl, he did it because I was Cordelia Chase, pain in his ass."

"Huh?"

"Xander risked his life to save the life of a girl who was nothing more than a thorn in his side. Yeah, there are plenty of people who will risk their lives to save perfect strangers, though usually they get paid for that. We call them firefighters and police officers, but how many do you know who would save the life of someone that you could easily describe as an enemy when their own lives would be improved by their absence? Damn few, that's who!"

Cordelia refilled her drink.

"Xander Harris was like some fairy tale knight to me, but I didn't see it until it was too late. I broke up with him the first time because I was stupid – but hey, I'm a teenage girl here! I'm expected to make mistakes. Of course doing it on Valentine's Day in front of everyone may have been pushing it."

Half the bar groaned and nearly everyone present winced.

"Yeah, well he got revenge on me in a way that was truly epic. He got a witch to cast a love spell on me so he could dump me the way I dumped him. It didn't work out the way he wanted, instead every single female in town fell in love with him."

Cordelia laughed, and was surprised at how little pain and how much genuine humor there was in the act.

"Damn, he must have made out like John Holmes that day," Faith said, impressed.

"Nah, once again his damn nobility raised its head and he avoided doing anything with anyone. Now the reason I dumped him was because I was being shallow, and the reason I took him back was just as shallow. I took him back because now, everyone wanted him. That meant I could have my prince charming without having to grow as a person."

"That's pretty twisted right there," Faith pointed out.

"Yeah, well I'm not old enough to be wise yet. So give me a break." Cordelia grinned as she took another drink.

"We all gotta grow up sometime," Faith said quietly, neither of them noticing Willow and Buffy sit down at the bar.

"So, where was I? Oh yeah, so I took him back for equally shallow reasons as I dumped him. Because no way was I ready to admit I loved him. Sure I was helping fight demons part time, just so I could spend time with him and so he would be proud of me – but that didn't mean I was becoming a better person. Only, it did. Xander Harris made me want to be a better person."

"Well, you are still a White Hat and he's not around to see it. So, I'd say you're above average as a person." Faith grinned.

"Yeah, at least there's that. I don't like the person I was, but she would have accepted him back after that thing with Willow. Hell, I would accept him back if I could get over him not being perfect."

"Perfect?" Faith asked, confused. "How did you figure he was perfect?"

"Well in comparison to all the other guys I've met he rates pretty high. He wanted me for me, and was willing to kill or die to protect me. Really, what more can you ask for?"

"Yeah, a bit hard to top that," Faith agreed.

"But he wasn't perfect; he was afraid of becoming his father, had a poor self image, and was in some ways a typical hormonal teenage male. I held him up to a ridiculously high standard of behavior for his age. I would say sex, but let's face it – we girls aren't exactly able to throw stones, we just hide it better."

Faith nodded. "That's why I just get what I want and split, less pain all around that way."

"Yeah, my more shallow self wouldn't have blinked at Xander and Willow. Especially in the one last kiss before dying situation, but the little girl who believed in fairy tales took it hard. He cheated on me with a girl who started a club dedicated to hating me and did her best to break us up."

"Ouch." Faith winced.

"Yep, and the girl who owes so much to him he should be able to go ass to mouth on her daily for the better part of a year without complaint betrayed him once again."

"Wait, what?" Faith asked confused.

"Do you know why Xander has so few male friends?"

"No."

"Because if they didn't like Willow, they were gone – and since boys stay in the girls have cooties stage for so long, that really cuts down on the number of friends you have. Ever wonder how Slacker Harris managed to both appear stupid and take all the advance placement classes that Willow does?"

"No."

"He kept his scores down low enough to look like he's barely getting by and having Willow help him with his homework, but he always scores well enough to pass without comment. Did you know that despite the fact that he spent most of his nights helping Buffy that his grades didn't change?"

"No." Faith was beginning to feel like a broken record. Who knew there was so much going on behind the scenes?

"Yep. I don't know if it was even a conscious action on his part. He simply does the best that he can to make Willow happy and she spits on that loyalty by trying to break me and him up when she was dating someone else, and by choosing Oz over him and refusing to take her share of the blame for what happened."

"Ok, but ass to mouth?" Faith asked confused.

"I'm rich, which means I know the value of everything he's done for her in comparison to what she's done for him. It leaves her owing him heavily. I'm using the sex value scale because that applies best to relationships."

Faith chuckled. "What do the rest of us owe him?"

"Well let's see, Buffy and him have saved each other a lot but she's way ahead on points. So he owes her about 27 hours of going down on her in half hour increments. While she owes him three vanilla sex acts to be named later, but not involving losing her virginity. See, some of the stuff is so one of a kind action that it doesn't fit the chart. I think you owe him a hand job or he owes you some finger work... Giles and him are about even. Oz owes him three weekends with his girlfriend and two shots at an attractive female relative. Angel owes him so much that I don't want to mention the amount, trust me you don't want to go there. Of course, that depends on where Angel's soul actually was at some points. I owe him, well let's just say I owe him a bit more than he owes Buffy, but I was paying it off every chance I could." Cordelia chuckled.

"So my problem was that he wasn't perfect and he chose Willow over me, who immediately stabbed him in the back and cut him from her life completely. If she had been better for him than I was, I wouldn't be so pissed at him, but he threw me over for someone who proved she wasn't worth it."

"Ouch." Faith winced again, sipping her drink.

"Yeah, Xander has a huge blind spot when it comes to those he cares for because of his low self esteem, and Alexander would have been a huge Catch 22 now that I think of it. He shed all the things that were holding him back and making him undervalue himself, but if I'd been with him they all would have come back. So, he would have been the perfect guy for me, provided I wasn't with him."

"There are other fish in the sea," Faith offered.

"Yeah," Cordelia said brightly. "Did you know Xander was almost turned into a fish when he went undercover for Buffy on the swim team?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, they stopped it in time, but he only needed to come up for air once every fifteen minutes – and that was while in the hot tub." Cordelia laughed.

"Whoa!"

"He was one of a kind, and I'm sad that he's gone, but I'm glad that he left," She said slowly before raising her glass for a toast. "Xander's dead, long live Alexander – may you find the success in life that your former incarnation missed."

*** * ***

**A week ago:**

"So, introductions?" Xander suggested.

"To pronounce our true names would require gargling with rocks and having your tongue split," the girl on the left said.

At Xander's raised eyebrow the two giggled. "Ok, so I stole that out of a book I was reading."

"So, what are your names?" Xander asked.

"Can't say," the girl on the right answered. "Part of the spell that's helping hide us requires us not talking about our old names, and we haven't picked new ones yet."

"Yeah, nothing seems to fit," the other girl complained.

He mentally decided to just refer to them as just Righty and Lefty for now.

"Well I'm...." Alexander began only to be shushed by the two.

"From the looks of things, I'm guessing you're on the run as well," Righty guessed.

"More like seeking early parole. I mean, in about six months or so I could legally leave, but six months in that place felt like a life sentence." Alexander sighed.

"Well don't mention your old name, ditch anything that has it, and think up a new one," Lefty suggested.

"Part of the spell?" Xander guessed.

"That and common sense," Lefty agreed. "You'll get further with common sense and magic than with magic alone."

Xander smiled. "So, what are you two escaping?"

The girls looked at each other, silently communicating something, before Righty answered, "If we're going to talk about that we have to hug you first."

"Huh, are you sure you're not succubi?" Alexander teased once more.

The two blushed. "Nope," Righty promised. "But our demonic heritage means we can see if you're a good person by hugging you."

"See, if we get caught we're dead," Lefty said seriously. "And they might be able to track our family down through us. Thus the paranoia."

Alexander nodded. "I suppose that makes as much sense as anything, sure."

The two looked around before shifting into their more mature demonic forms, shyly wrapping their arms around him for a moment and then relaxing.

"You feel like a good guy, but like your past is a huge blank, like someone cast a spell to hide you," Righty said, before reverting to her human form.

Lefty nodded, green scales and blue eyes reverting as well.

"In my case that's because I came down with a bad case of amnesia. One blow to the head, and suddenly my old life doesn't fit. So I decided to get a new one," Xander explained.

"In our case the clan seers saw that the Scourge would find us, so the clan had to scatter to the winds," Righty replied.

"What's the Scourge?"

"It's like a demonic version of the Nazis. They hate humanity and any race that isn't pure enough for them. So, being from a clan that happily coexists with humanity and mixes with them freely..." Lefty trailed off.

"Means we aren't exactly on their Christmas card list," Righty finished.

Lefty yawned and leaned against Alexander. "The life the clan set us up with isn't anything we'd have chosen for ourselves."

Righty yawned as well and mimicked her. "You got that right, it sucks but it'll help the ones with little ones get to safety."

Alexander found himself yawning and wrapped an arm around each girl; they were soft, warm, and smelled of honeysuckle and violets. He drifted off to sleep, thinking he'd had worse times.

Thanks to LA traffic it was almost dawn before they reached the bus depot.

The three had awoke about ten minutes before, but hadn't moved from their group snuggle. The future was looming in front of them, largely unknown, but definitely containing a certain amount of suck that none of them were looking forward to.

"I guess this is it," Righty said sadly, before giving Alexander a kiss on the cheek and retrieving her bag.

Lefty nodded and tried to copy her, but chickened out at the last second and hugged him tightly instead.

"Is it really that bad?" he asked, hoping it wasn't any of the myriad horrible fates he was imagining.

"The clan had to scatter and fast. The best way to get us protection and some ready cash to help the families with small children was..." Lefty's voice trailed off.

"In about a year and a half we'll be full adults and easily able to leave, but until then, it's going to be hell," Righty said sadly.

Alexander stepped off the bus behind them and found his worst fears confirmed, albeit in a rather unusual manner. If the situation hadn't been so grim he would have laughed. A vampire dressed in a purple suit and carrying a pimp cane was waiting for the girls and Alexander could see several bodyguards, pretending to be normal people, scattered about the area.

'They're being sold into prostitution to Huggy Bear,' he thought incredulously, as his eyes darted around, counting out the half dozen guards and the weapons they carried.

'I can't let this happen,' he thought to himself. But a small corner of his mind rebelled, 'I can let this happen, there is nothing I **can't** do!'

*** * ***

A former balance demon named Whistler watched as the three stepped off the bus.

'A little memory loss, and boom! A whole new ball game,' he thought with a small hint of satisfaction and awe.

He'd never have thought of the small alterations that had led to this on his own, but he'd risked his entire existence and pleaded for a different future... And he'd been answered.

Angel was no longer his concern, although he'd been assured he was being handled as well. No, Whistler's new charge was one Alexander LaVelle Harris.

He watched the boy's actions with pride; showing mercy, caring for others, not backing down from what he knew was right.

Whistler smiled as Alexander stepped off the bus, the habits and instincts of the forgotten soldier allowing Alexander to assess the situation accurately.

He could feel Alexander's determination to save the two girls he'd just met and almost started humming hail to the chief, then he felt something he'd never imagined, Alexander was rebelling against the thought of saving the two girls.

Whistler was stunned, he was shocked, he was horrified! As a balance demon he'd been responsible for a great number pivotal events – and he always bet on Xander jumping one way – every single time and he'd always been right, but Alexander....

A shiver of fear went through him, as he worried that by wiping Xander's memory he had made fundamental changes to his character and apparently ones that weren't for the better.

The temptation to nudge his charge was so strong that he had to clench his fists to keep from interfering. He'd sworn that he would do nothing but follow his instructions and even though he knew he could break that pledge with no consequences – he wouldn't. He'd let things play out, sticking to the plan as he'd promised.

Alexander nodded to himself as his eyes hardened. He was capable of doing nothing, but he didn't want to. He wanted to save those two. The odds were heavily against him, but the memory of Faith's voice telling him he could echoed in the back of his mind and he smiled. 'I **can** save those two, I **choose** to save those two!'

Smiling almost cheerfully, Xander started forward; the stake that Faith had insisted he carry up his right sleeve. Sure he may die in the next few minutes, but he was doing what he chose to do and that made all the difference.

"Yo! Huggy Bear!" Alexander called out, freezing both girls in their place with identical looks of horrified disbelief as the vampiric pimp spun around angrily and stalked toward him in an absolute fury.

Alexander walked forward calmly, the stake slipping from his sleeve to his hand like he'd done it hundreds of times before. He was calm, he had a hastily concocted plan, he was … falling?

As Alexander had stepped forward, his right toe had gotten caught on the raised curb - making him instinctively throw out his arms to catch himself.

Alexander's left hand came down on the mass of gold chains the pimp wore, knocking him back. The pimp's cane dropped from his hand and the large floppy purple hat flew up from the impact.

Alexander's right hand slid the stake home almost by accident, dusting the stake along with the pimp and leaving him with a fist full of gold and no means of support. Falling forward his right hand snagged the cane and used it to stop himself from falling on his face as the large floppy purple hat floated down to settle on his head.

While LA may not have Sunnydale's enforced denial system, the locals had a finely developed danger sense and had vanished into the woodwork before the dust hit the ground.

He rose casually, and acted like everything that had happened had been planned and not just him using up his quota of luck for the year.

The pimp's guards all froze. The boss had been taken down so smoothly that if they'd blinked they would have missed it, but the man had drawn their attention so they wouldn't, hadn't he?

Unsure of what to do, their eyes flicked involuntarily to the second in command as who stood frozen as the man approached him with a friendly smile.

"Eric." Alexander smiled, because he was quite happy that he wasn't dead yet. "I can call you Eric, right?"

"Yes, sir," the vamp quickly spat out, wondering how he knew his name.

"I believe thieves are the lowest form of life don't you?" Alexander said, imitating the Mayor of Sunnydale as best he could – since he figured it was best to be polite and the Mayor had been so charming on TV.

Eric nodded rapidly.

"I'm glad we agree, your former boss tried to take something that belonged to me. So I had to be firm with him, but you look like an honest man."

"Yessir!"

"Excellent." Alexander took off the hat, and dropped the gold chains in it, presenting them and the cane to the startled vamp. "I believe these are yours. I can hardly lecture anyone on morals if I break them myself after all." Alexander beamed, pleased at how well everything was going.

Eric slowly began to smile as he saw how things were moving. He was the boss now, and his friend was just retrieving some property – and Eric was going to help him because he sure as hell didn't want this man as an enemy. Quite frankly, anyone who made Eric the boss was a friend in his book.

"Girls." Alexander waved and the two girls quickly hurried over to him.

Eric put on the hat and slipped the necklaces into his pocket. "What should we do with the cash which was to be sent once the girls arrived, sir?" he asked carefully, not wanting to offend his new friend.

"You were promised two girls for that money, free and clear I believe. Since no one matching that description arrived, you can hardly be expected to throw good money after bad. Sadly, collecting any money already spent would be problematic as the entire clan seems to be missing," Alexander explained solemnly.

"All of them?!" one of the guards blurted out.

"From the most venerable elder to the youngest babe," he assured them with a smile. "I of course had nothing to do with it."

"Of course not, sir," Eric said. "I'll just write it off as a bad loan and consider the matter closed."

"It's so nice to deal with reasonable men. Well it was nice meeting with you all... But I have business elsewhere that I really shouldn't put off any longer. So – toodles," Alexander finished cheerfully.

Singing the Brady Bunch theme as if he hadn't a care in the world, Alexander lead the girls off.

The vampires visibly relaxed as the three vanished around the corner.

"That was a close one," Eric said, wiping his forehead and receiving a chorus of nods from almost all the others.

"Err... What am I missing?" a vampire who seemed to have a dress sense that was still current asked.

"You didn't catch the way he dusted Huggy?" one of the more experienced vamps asked.

"Oh no, I caught that just fine. No way in hell would I want to go hand to hand with him, but we got guns," the FNG (fanged new guy) pointed out.

"Boss, you want to handle this?" the amused guard asked.

The boss (formerly known as Eric) grinned. "Sure, he made sure we all saw how easy he took down Huggy – and he even made a show of it, saving his chains and cane for me, while letting the hat settle on his head. I haven't seen anything like that outside the movies. You'll also note that he called Huggy – Huggy Bear. The only thing that ever makes him lose his cool. Then walked straight up to me and addressed me by name. The guy showed he was skilled and knowledgeable but that ain't all. The most important fact is what isn't here, not what is."

FNG frowned, trying to work it out. He took a deep breath after a moment to voice his frustration at not being able to figure it out when it hit him.

Everyone grinned as they saw FNG freeze up.

"Yep, not a whiff of fear. He was polite; showed respect, let me know he wasn't moving in on our business, he just wanted what was his, but he had no fear of us at all. He probably could have crushed us at will."

"He could have been crazy," FNG offered lamely.

Everyone laughed.

"The powerful are often nuts, all the more reason to be polite and let em pass," Eric remarked. "Besides that guy reminded me of the Mayor of Sunnydale, and that's one guy you don't want to fuck with."

*** * ***

"How did you know his name was Eric?" Righty asked, green eyes gleaming.

Xander paused thoughtfully. "He looked like an Eric. Well, that and he had a necklace with his name on it."

"How did you know he was the one in charge once Huggy Bear was down?" Lefty asked.

"I spotted the guards glancing at him for approval when I got off the bus, meaning he was in charge of them."

"How did you pull all this off so easily?" Righty demanded.

Xander stopped; adjusted the bag slung on his back and posed with his hands on his hips, eyes locking into the distance and flexing his muscles, which made him look like some sort of action hero.

The girls were impressed and waited with bated breath.

"Dumb luck, I tripped on the curb," Alexander said proudly, relaxing and turning from square jawed hero to grinning madman in half a second.

"Dumb luck?" Lefty said numbly.

"But you could have been killed," Righty complained. "I mean he was a master vampire, and he had guards armed with guns. You said you weren't any kind of hunter!"

"Yep, but sometimes you have to do dangerous things so you can continue to look at yourself in the mirror. If I let you two go through that without trying to help, there would be no living with myself. Besides, I need roommates. I'm told the rent in LA is ridiculous."

"But... but... You hardly know us," Lefty stuttered.

"I know enough," he said firmly. "You have special ways of determining who is a good person, I have not so special ways. I know you were willing to let yourself to be sold to a pimp, so that the children you babysat would be safe. Do I really need to know anything else?"

"How did you know we babysat them?" Righty asked.

"Because if your people are anything like mine, and since we get along so well I'm guessing that they are, then you guys were stuck babysitting the munchkins to make some spending cash."

"Wow, you're good," Righty said admiringly.

"You should become a private eye," Lefty said with a smile. "I could answer phones and type up your case files, I could be your girl Friday."

"And I could be your girl the rest of the week!" Righty said aloud before blushing brightly.

"You'd have to split the time evenly, and Sunday would be my private day so I could sleep and watch sports while scratching myself in rude areas," Alexander joked, trying to save her from the embarrassment.

"Deal!" Lefty said, startling them both.

The three laughed and started walking again.

"So, where are we going?" Righty asked brightly.

"No idea," Alexander replied in the same tone.

"We need a plan," Lefty said thoughtfully.

"I was thinking Fake ID's first, and then looking for a semi decent rat hole to call home. That would take care of the basics and give us time to look for work," he said.

"Actually, I may have a better idea," Lefty said and found herself with the other two's undivided attention. "I was talking to one of my Aunties who assured me that the seers wouldn't have told the clan to sell us to a pimp in LA without a very good reason and she told me of some people who could help us in the area."

"Hey!" Righty said suddenly. "Do you think they saw us being rescued by..." She scratched her head thoughtfully. "Jack?"

He grinned. Jack seemed fitting since he'd named his parents the Duke and Duchess of Daniels to Faith.

"Anyway," Righty said brightly, glad to have a name for their rescuer. "If the seers saw that Jack would rescue us, maybe that's why they sent us here and not because they're holding a grudge."

"Grudge?" the newly christened Jack asked curiously.

"A prank involving the seer's yearly retreat to the hot springs, a massive amount of instant jello mix and a herd of goats," Lefty explained.

"I still say that if they could really see the future, they should have seen it coming!" Righty exclaimed. "I mean, they kept giving out warnings about Chaos Demons, making our moms nuts, which meant we got saddled with a six pm curfew all year!"

"What do Chaos Demons look like?" Jack asked curiously.

"Kinda like goats covered in lime jello, sprawled on top of pissed off seers," Lefty said thoughtfully as Righty froze.

"You mean..." Jack asked, beginning to snicker.

"I think so," Lefty admitted.

"So they sent us, knowing we'd be saved by Jack," Righty said, quickly changing the subject.

"I'm not sure if I like the idea of the future being fixed, makes me feel like a hamster in a wheel. I think I'm getting somewhere, but in the end it's all been decided by someone else," Jack said thoughtfully.

"You and me both," Righty agreed.

Lefty shook her head. "The seers see a possible future, but nothing is actually decided. It's not like flipping forward in a book to read the end. It's more like listening to a bunch of comic book fans talk about coming story arcs. Like Jean Grey finding out Scott had a baby with her evil clone. The fans guessed about seventy percent of the plot."

Lefty blushed when she saw the way the two were looking at her. "Ok, so I like comics."

"Dear, your father and I aren't mad at you, just confused." Righty said in a motherly voice, quoting something that made Lefty blush. "And while we don't understand you fully, we won't stand in the way of your happiness, but just so we understand each other, you're paying for your own comic covers if you get my drift."

Jack had been about to join in, trying his best to sound like Ward Cleaver, but the look on Lefty's face spoke of embarrassment and a touch of accusation – like Righty was partly to blame for Lefty getting an embarrassing sex speech like that from her parents. 'Well, only one thing to do.'

Jack put his hand on Righty's shoulder and faced her solemnly. "I was hoping for grandkids, but I suppose you two can adopt and while you weren't what I was looking for in a son in law, I'd just like to say – welcome to the family."

"That's almost exactly what he said to me!" Righty burst out.

"My dad said that?" Lefty turned bright red. "So that's why you couldn't look my parents in the eye for a week!"

Jack grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. "That sounds like an interesting story."

"My older brother accidentally left a porno tape in the VCR," Righty explained.

Lefty nodded. "We got into an argument over something being possible."

"There was a banana involved..."

"Is this story as interesting as I think it is?"

"Probably not, just embarrassing really," Righty admitted.

"Really, really embarrassing," Lefty added.

"Then I won't ask any more about it," Jack said seriously.

"Thanks," the girls chorused.

"Instead, I'll just pretend the story in my head is what really happened," he finished with a grin.

"Jack!" the two called out, blushing and smacking him on the shoulders.

Lefty decided to keep on moving before Righty brought up even more embarrassing incidents. "The first place I was told to go is a bar called Caritas."

**AN: Same writer and the typist (who insured you actually got to read it) as always!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Riding the Rails or On the Right Track**

The three stared at the gravel lot filled with old tires and trash.

"It's an empty lot," Righty said bluntly. "I told you they had it in for me."

Lefty rolled her eyes. "Use your nose."

Jack sniffed the air. "I smell alcohol and cigarettes."

The two girls looked at him, impressed.

Lefty smiled. "Are you sure you're not Clan?"

Jack shrugged. "My parents looked like normal humans and if they ever told me about being part demon I've forgotten about it."

"Well I've never met a human with a decent sense of smell before, so you might have at least a little of the Clan in your background," Righty offered.

"It's possible I guess, but I have no idea how I'd find out."

"There's probably some easy spell that'll tell you species," Lefty suggested.

"Something to look into later," Jack agreed. "So, how do we get in?"

Lefty shrugged. "Just step forward I guess. It's probably invisible to people who haven't seen it before. My uncle told me about places warded that way."

Jack walked forward, vanishing from sight before returning a moment later and waving them in. "It's safe."

The two girls shifted and stepped forward, a building appearing with Jack holding open the door for them – showing a bar scene George Lucas would have needed a week to craft.

* * *

Lorne noticed the three as they stepped in the door. He may not have needed to worry about his liquor license getting pulled, but he did have standards. "Hello, welcome to Caritas. I'm Lorne your host and you three are adorable – but obviously underage so don't try ordering anything with alcohol or guava."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "I get the alcohol, but guava?"

Lorne smiled cheerfully. "Fun fact, it acts like an aphrodisiac for the two girls with you, although it does increase their healing rate. Just avoid all sports and energy drinks and you'll be fine."

The girls blushed and nodded at Xander's questioning look. Lefty stepped forward shyly, "My aunt told me you could help us?"

"Sure pumpkin, what do you need help with?" the green skinned, red horned demon wearing a shiny goldenrod colored suit asked.

"I don't know," Lefty admitted, as she knew nothing about Lorne or why the aunts would refer her to him.

"Ah..." Lorne nodded, as if that made perfect sense. "Well, that I can help you with."

Righty and Jack just stared at the two and wondered if it made as little sense to other people as it did to them.

Seeing the confusion on their faces it seemed someone left out a critical bit of information. "I am an anagogic demon. What that means to you is that you sing and I read your destiny. Now before you say anything, let me explain; reading your destiny is not like reading the future. Reading your destiny is more like reading your resume and a bunch of want ads. I can tell you what you should be doing, and people and places of significance to your path - but I don't have all the answers and the questions tend to change from day to day. So, while I can give you a nudge in the right direction I can't give you step by step instructions."

"Sounds loads better than a seer," Righty offered with a smile.

"How much does it cost?" Jack asked.

"It doesn't cost you dears a thing. Being the host is my destiny, and the Powers that Be gave me my club in return for doing it; as well as passage out of Pylea."

"Pylea?" Lefty asked curiously.

"A horrible place, it's primitive and everyone runs around carrying swords and lice. Humans are enslaved and called cows, which while a step up above how their treated in most hell dimensions still sucks. Worst of all – music is banned, so rest assured hon; when my destiny came calling I answered."

Jack grinned, finding himself liking the Host who, while a demon, reminded Jack of some of the more … flamboyant Vegas entertainers he'd seen on TV.

"That explains why demons are singing karaoke," Righty said as she watched a mixed group of demons sing YMCA.

Lorne shook his head. "They aren't here to get their destinies read, they're here because they always sing karaoke before going bowling."

"They bowl?" Jack asked, shocked.

"Yeah, the spiky one on the end is a brachen and he's managed three perfect games this year alone. They heard the Japanese use karaoke to encourage teamwork and boom – league champs. So they never miss a week, karaoke's fun and entertaining; especially when you can get a friend drunk and convince him to sing. On the average I get less than a dozen people in asking for readings a day, but tons singing karaoke."

"You need any wait staff?" Jack asked, thinking it sounded like a fun place to work.

"Not at the moment bubala, but if your singing suggests working here I'll find room."

Lefty nervously spoke up, "Um, what do we sing?"

"Anything, although I'd suggest picking something you enjoy because karaoke should be fun."

Jack scratched his head. "I don't know what I like."

"Amnesia," Righty explained at Lorne's confused look.

"How about a duet?" Lefty asked suddenly, blushing as Jack looked over at her.

"Sounds like fun," Jack agreed.

"Yeah," Righty chimed in. "That could be fun."

"I seem to know a lot of themes to TV shows," Jack offered with a grin.

In the end, the girls got him to sing a couple of country songs that were made for duets and he made them both sing the Green Acres theme song with him, which the crowd loved.

Lorne was taking a deep drink of something with way too many umbrellas in it when they returned to the bar where he was waiting for them. "You want it done as a group right? I'll warn you now kiddles, your destinies are a doozy."

"Is that good or bad?" Righty asked.

"Both." Lorne said, "If you were planning quiet lives of desperation in some nameless suburb you're out of luck. Your actions both large and small will change people's lives."

Jack leaned forward, obviously interested.

"So our destinies are tied in together?" Lefty asked hopefully.

"Of course, have no worries on that score pumpkin. Neither of these two are the type to leave a friend – even if destiny said leave they'd stay."

"You can change your destiny?" Righty asked curiously.

"Sure puddin, destiny is all about the choices you make. Free will is what decides destiny, which is why I used the resume and want ads example. In the end you decide what it is."

Jack found himself smiling.

"Remember I don't know what only where and when, now I have two addresses for you; the first address is for a cousin of mine. He makes ID's for those of us who immigrate here. The second address is for a hotel, it's been closed since the fifties I think; used to be a grand place but the one time I saw the place it reminded me of that hotel from The Shining."

Righty accepted the paper from Lorne and passed it to Lefty.

"Thank you," Jack said, extending his hand to shake Lorne's.

"Don't thank me hon, I've just sped up what you would have ended up doing anyway. Remember, you kids are welcome here anytime – but no drinking until you're actually of age."

Righty smiled. "Thanks all the same, you've been very helpful."

"Happy to have been of service, just remember you have to be at the hotel at noon; now shoo!"

The sun hit them in the eyes as they left the club, the odor of nicotine and alcohol being replaced with vehicle exhaust and burnt oil.

Jack smiled. "I love sunrise, it makes me feel lucky to be alive."

Lefty looked at him closely. "Are you sure you're not a hunter?"

Jack shrugged. "I think I may have known some, but all I can say for sure is one girl I know really didn't like vamps."

Righty nodded. "No arguments here, I'm not fond of them either. Corpses belong in the ground."

"Amen," Jack agreed. "I only remember meeting a couple of vamps so far, but I haven't liked a single one."

"The address for new ID's isn't too far, let's get that out of the way then we can check on the hotel," Lefty suggested.

Jack nodded. "Sounds like a plan, but since we'll need to get our pictures taken for the ID's let's get a motel room shower and change our clothes first. My treat," he promised.

Righty examined him mock suspiciously. "Are you sure this isn't a trick to get us into bed?"

"You got me," Jack deadpanned. "This entire thing has been a complete setup, with most of the special effects subcontracted to Hollywood and my good twin standing in for me earlier, so I could lure you off and satiate my dark lusts."

Righty smiled and wrapped an arm around his waist. "It's so nice to be wanted."

Lefty giggled and Jack couldn't help but laugh himself as they entered a nearby hotel, which not only boasted hourly rates but also appeared to be new and seedy – quite an accomplishment for a new hotel.

"I'm thinking we should get a nap too," Lefty suggested, knowing that all three of them were feeling a little run down after all the excitement and worry they'd gone through.

"Key for six hours, please," Righty requested of the clerk, since they didn't have offer doubles.

The clerk didn't even bat an eye as he took Jack's money and slid a key across the counter. Of course, part of that could be because he was watching some strange cartoon where young girls, with breasts a stripper would kill for, were waving small dildos, Jack noted as the girls drug him off.

"You've never seen Sailor Moon?" Lefty asked as she unlocked the door to their room.

The three fell silent as they took in the room; a heart shaped king sized waterbed sat in the center of the floor its glowing red satin sheets matching the décor of the room and a bright red hot tub in the corner.

"Holy shit, someone gutted Cupid and used his entrails to decorate a room!" Righty burst out.

Jack and Lefty immediately burst out laughing, despite finding the description rather fitting.

"Dibs on the first shower," Jack called with a grin as he rushed through the room and into the bathroom.

"Hey!" the two girls complained in unison as he shut the door.

The lights in the room dimmed and the two realized that the full sized mirror next to the bathroom door was in fact a two way mirror and that whoever designed this room was very kinky and expected the occupants to be as well.

* * *

Jack came out of the bathroom feeling a little guilty about taking so long but he'd needed to shave so his ID picture wouldn't come out looking like a hood.

The girls however already looked like they'd cleaned up and were in their sleepwear. Lefty had a set of flannel pajamas a bit too large for her, and Righty had a t-shirt that came down to her knees.

"We used the hot tub," Righty explained at his questioning glance.

Jack figured the water must have been a bit too hot as both girls were pretty red.

"I put in a wakeup call for 10," Lefty said. "That'll give us plenty of time to meet up with Lorne's cousin for ID's and give us plenty of time to get to the hotel on time."

Righty yawned. "Sounds great, hit the lights and climb in bed."

Jack found her yawn contagious and yawned himself, happy that the water bed was big enough that he didn't feel compelled to offer to sleep on the floor.

The lights were quickly flicked off and the three got situated in bed. Jack was only mildly surprised that despite all the room available the girls had sandwiched him between them which made his request a bit less embarrassing than it could have been.

"Can you two switch sides please?"

**AN: Typing by Godogma!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Preconceptions Chapter 5(Maybe?)**

"Everybody hum something," the short chubby green skinned demon with the red horns ordered, as he opened the door before they could say anything.

Xander started humming 'Row your boat' and the two girls joined in.

"Stop!" the demon ordered and waved them inside his apartment.

The hallway looked seedy and run down with faded carpet and dingy white paint, but his apartment looked as clean and new as a doctor's office.

"Stand here, here and here," he ordered moving the three to white taped X's on the floor in front of a sky blue backdrop. "Fluff your hair out a bit," he ordered them again, "pictures taken at the DMV always come out horrible, so mess up your hair a bit and try to look disgruntled."

Lorne's cousin quickly took the pictures, pausing between each shot to make sure they weren't ready.

Moving over to a desk he plugged a cable into the camera and started typing on his computer. He didn't ask a single question as he typed in the data and printed out the cards.

"Give me the checkbook the vamp left in the jacket's interior pocket," he ordered.

Xander checked and found the jacket did have a checkbook which the demon snatched up, handed him three ID's and pushed them out the door. "You're paid in full; have a nice day!" the demon said before slamming the door in their faces.

"My new name is Jack Alexander … Daniels," Xander said reading the ID.

The girls quickly retrieved their cards.

"Randy Sue Daniels," Randy said, "this is an awful picture of me and do I look like a Randy?"

"Yes," the other two chorused.

"Lydia Ellen Daniels," Lydia read, "Lydia Ellen … I like it."

"Definitely worth the price of admission," Xander said pocketing his ID.

"We just got ID's for free didn't we?" Randy asked, putting her new ID away.

"Just about," Lydia agreed, "and we better hurry if we don't want to be late on our next appointment."

"We've got hours!" Randy said.

"It's across town," Lydia replied.

"Bus," Xander said, heading for the nearest stop.

"Better than walking," Randy agreed.

"I wonder what the laws on squatting are," Lydia said. "If you reside on unused property long enough you can claim it in some states," she explained.

"I doubt we can squat a motel, but it's something to think about," Jack agreed.

**11:59 AM**

"I hate the bus," Lydia said, "the smells are horrific."

"We need a car," Randy suggested.

"Among other things," Jack agreed, "housing first though."

The three crossed the street and entered the grounds of the Hyperion Hotel. It was built during the 50s and bore a striking resemblance to the Overlook Hotel from The Shining.

Jack found the front door unlocked. "Yeah, this isn't creepy at all..."

The lights were on inside and except for a layer of dust the place was … clean.

"Everyone that's a bit creeped out say aye," Randy said.

"Aye," they chorused.

"The doors unlocked, the lights are on but nobody's home," Lydia said slowly, "have we just stepped into a horror movie?"

"Yes, yes we have," Randy agreed with forced cheerfulness. "How do I know this? Because the front door is missing!"

Jack and Lydia turned and saw she was right, where the front doors had been there was now a stairway leading up to the second floor.

Randy and Lydia glued themselves to Jack's sides.

A telephone rang at the front desk.

"Someone has to get that," Lydia said after a minute or two of staring.

"Yeah," Randy admitted. "Dibs!" she called out and stepped forward, Jack and Lydia coming with her.

"You guys don't have to come with me," Randy said.

"Yes we do," Jack replied.

"No you don't," she argued, taking another step.

"We do because you haven't let me go yet," Jack pointed out as he took another step forward.

"Oops," she said and gave a nervous giggle before releasing his arm as she braced herself to move forward alone the phone stopped ringing.

"Oh well, what a shame..." Lydia said, grabbing Randy.

The phone rang again and the three groaned.

Randy slowly stepped forward the other two coming with her. "If you guys let go I can do it alone."

"Not a chance," Jack said, "splitting up is the last thing we should do."

They approached the front desk, noticing the guest ledger next to the ringing phone and the rack of keys in pigeonholes for the various rooms.

"Three feet is not splitting up."

"The front door vanished," Jack replied firmly, "we aren't taking any chances."

"Okay," Randy said thankfully, reaching for the phone and coming up short. "We have to move closer."

The three shuffled forward slowly.

Randy snatched up the handset, listened for a second and then slammed it back down.

"What was it?" Jack asked.

"Hotel California," she replied.

"Joy, not only is the Hotel evil it has a sense of humor," Jack groaned.

"I don't want to die a virgin," Randy moaned.

Laughter bubbled up from the corners of the room.

"That's not good," Lydia said.

The shadows thickened into solid black shapes that flowed through the room.

"Are those tentacles?" Jack asked nervously.

"I've changed my mind," Randy whined, "I want to die a virgin."

"Ditto," Jack and Lydia chorused.

**0oOo0**

Betrayed once more the young mage decided he'd had enough and despite everything that was done, he'd found it child's play to collect everything he needed to vanish and never be found.

Okay, a little grave robbing was needed and he'd stolen enough secrets that his name would be cursed until the end of time... If they'd ever figured out he was the one that robbed them anyway.

There was also a significant amount of alcohol involved at some point … possibly, he was a bit too drunk to say for sure.

A whisper of voices and what felt like cobwebs against his face and he was beyond their reach.

"Ahhh!" several people were screaming, huddled together in the center of the room.

Seeing the tentacles and the guy attached to them he could understand why.

A half dozen spells were lazily cast, increasing exponentially the amount of room the monster covered.

"That's a slight improvement," the dark haired man in the center of the room said, spitting out a mouthful of exploded monster.

A couple more spells and the place and people were spotless. "Much better," the young man said, the two young women still not releasing him.

"How much for a room?" the mage asked, noting he was in a hotel.

One of the girls considered that before replying, "You can have a room for life for 5000 gold pieces, but I'm afraid all the service staff were eaten."

"What rooms are available?"

"All of them at the moment, just grab a key," she replied.

The black robed mage pulled a bag out of his pocket and tossed it to her. "I had about that much set aside for bribe money; I'll look around and grab a key when I find a room I like."

"Suit yourself," the girl replied cheerfully, "if you need anything just let us know."

The mage nodded and left.

**0oOo0**

"Five thousand gold pieces?" Jack asked Lydia with a raised eyebrow.

"Five hundred pounds of gold should be enough to buy the hotel and give him a room for life," Lydia replied. "Well, if it's anything like D&D anyway."

"That doesn't look like five hundred pounds of gold," Randy said.

"Bag of holding," she said happily having peeked inside already.

"We don't know how to run a hotel," Jack reminded them.

"We only have one guest to take care of," Lydia pointed out, "we can run the detective agency out of here."

"I don't know how to run that either," Jack admitted.

"But we can learn!" Randy chimed, getting into the spirit of things.

"Run a hotel for a single client and learn on the job to be a detective," Jack said thoughtfully. "I think I can handle that."

"We owe Lorne a huge tip," Lydia said.

"Definitely," the other two agreed.

**AN: Typing by Godogma!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Nameless chapter!**

Jack picked a comfy looking piece of floor and sprawled out on it, staring blankly at the ceiling of the lobby.

Randy and Lydia walked over to see what was up and why he had picked the floor for a nap.

"Hi, girls," he said, tiredly staring up at them.

"Hi, Jack," they chorused.

"If you two wore dresses I'd have a much better view," he remarked, getting a blush from the two and a smile from Randy.

"And what's got you looking so worn out?" Randy asked.

"Paperwork! Endless reams of paperwork," he groaned. "Plus the floor just looked so comfy."

The two girls exchanged grins before transforming into their slightly reptilian, curvier forms and laying down beside him.

"This is comfy," Lydia agreed, settling into his left side.

"Who cleaned the chandelier?" Randy asked, staring upwards.

The black robed, young wizard made an appearance before anyone could answer, prompting the two girls to quickly revert to their human forms and made excuses to split before he could ask any embarrassing questions. "Veela?" he asked Jack.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Veela?"

"A race of near humans that project an aura of sex, are partial to fire, and are kinda birdlike," he finished.

"Nope," Jack replied. "Just people, and like most races, their name for themselves is people. Most species descriptions are given by outsiders and are rarely flattering. Imagine what outsiders would call your people."

"Asshole," the wizard decided. "Or at least that's what I'd call 'em."

"Also a traditional description for humans," Jack agreed.

"I've settled into room thirteen, but I have a small problem," he admitted.

"Yes?"

"I accidentally gave the building a heart."

Jack blinked a couple of times and resumed staring at the ceiling. "I think I'm going to need a bit more information."

"I had a heartstone with me, which is what my people use to give...sentience to a place."

"Why in the world would you want to do that?" Jack demanded.

"I...I don't know," he admitted. "It's just something us assholes do. Anyway I was going through my stuff and set it down for a moment and the building swallowed it."

"Does it let the building hide exits and move things around?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," the wizard agreed.

"The building already did that, or maybe it was the tentacled horror," Jack said thoughtfully.

"So we can just ignore it?"

"Until it blows up in our face," Jack replied cheerfully.

"Works for me," the young wizard said relieved.

"You any good at fixing things?" Jack asked hopefully.

"Can I use magic?"

"As long as it doesn't break if the magic stops."

"Then yes, I can fix things."

"Want a job as the hotel handyman?" Jack asked.

"Sure. What's it pay?"

"No idea," Jack replied. "I haven't thought that far ahead."

"You're opening this place on a whim?" the wizard asked, surprised.

"That and or a detective agency," he agreed. "Possibly a bar as well."

"Do you have any idea what you're doing?"

"Not a clue," Jack assured him. "Hell, I don't even know your name."

"Haven't thought up a good one yet," the wizard admitted.

"The guy I hired to make IDs gave me mine, Jack Daniels."

"Actually, I could use a little help in that area myself," the wizard admitted. "Does he charge a lot?"

"Bring a pocketful of gold and you should be fine," Jack said before giving him the address.

"Thanks," the young wizard said before vanishing out the door.

Seeing that the wizard had left, the two girls quickly resumed their positions.

"Did he notice?" Lydia asked nervously.

"Yeah, but it's no big deal. He's a magic user, remember?"

"Yeah, but we're still laying low because the tribe scattered for a reason, even if it wasn't shared with us," Randy pointed out.

"So without the dubious protection of Huggybear, we still have to hide what we are," Lydia explained.

"I'll make sure our nameless wizard handyman knows," Jack promised them.

"Nameless?" Lydia asked curiously.

"He's gone to get an ID at the same place we did."

"We've become the supernatural equivalent of the witness protection program," Randy said, amused.

"And he accidentally brought the hotel to life," Jack added.

"What does that mean?" Lydia asked.

"Yeah, is it going to go for a walk, crave human flesh, get a crush on the local shopping mall, or what?" Randy questioned.

"No idea, and he wasn't sure either," Jack replied. "He didn't seem concerned, so it's probably none of those though."

0o0o0o0o0

Holland Manners looked up from the folder he was perusing as his secretary entered the office.

"The nexus is active," she said and waited.

He nodded to himself. "The seers saw nothing, I assume, or we would have been notified. Have Lindsey investigate matters and bring me all the files on the Shanshu prophecy."

"Yes, sir," she said, turning and leaving to carry out his orders.

"Aah, they don't make 'em like her anymore," Holland said admiringly. "Well, not since Frankenstein was bought out, at any rate."

**AN: Typing by Ordieth!**

**Body Doubles? Or 20 love all!**

Harry couldn't believe it. After everything he'd done, the wizarding world was rewarding him by kicking him out! His wand had been snapped (although he had been allowed to keep the pieces) and he had been shoved out of the front Gates of Hogwarts.

Harry sighed and grabbed ahold of one end of his trunk and began walking away. He'd finished charming the corners to work as wheels just last week fortunately or he'd have a much tougher time on the Walk of Shame. Technically, he wasn't being kicked out of the wizarding world, he was just being kicked out of Hogwarts and he could legally buy another wand, but it was the principle of the thing!

Apparently someone using polyjuice had knocked up a good chunk of the graduating class and had even nailed some of the younger years. How did Harry know they were using Polyjuice? Simple, they'd used his bloody body to do it!

He wasn't even given a chance to defend himself, he'd been read the charges and then stunned from behind by a couple of angry fathers. Well, if by a couple you mean six. He'd been convicted by the school board while he was unconscious and awoke to find himself being shunned by everyone and allowed only two hours to pack and get out.

Well, at least he'd been able to pull a couple of last-minute stunts before he left. Really, giving him two hours to pack? All he had was a trunk with everything in it but the stuff he was wearing. A quick trip to the room of requirements and a carefully worded request...

Harry grinned. Sure he'd had to volunteer to haul off all of the assorted crap that was cluttering the room, so Hogwarts could think clearly again and awaken the founders' avatars, but it was worth it!

Besides, some of that stuff was damn valuable, like the second heartstone that the third headmaster had snuck into the castle's heart to suppress its sentience. Apparently hundreds of years ago a headmaster had felt superfluous between the castle and the Founders' avatars running the place. He'd thought that the job would allow him to influence the younger generations and gain power, but instead he found out that his job was just to be a figurehead while the castle and the avatars insured the students were trained without undue influence from anyone.

He'd used the limited authority as headmaster to look through the maintenance cycles the castle had scheduled and found that the heartstone was accessible, but the spells the founders had laid on that room were so strong that nothing could touch it. In fact the only hole in the spells was to allow a heartstone in, in the first place.

Stripping naked in the middle of the hall, leaving his wand on top of his clothes, the headmaster carried a second heartstone into the core and found it worked better than planned. The second stone interfering with the first effectively lobotomized the castle, who now acted like a concussed puppy, eager to please, but not too bright.

Through the centuries, most of the details about Hogwarts' powers faded into myth as headmaster after headmaster failed to pass on key knowledge about the school and even actively hid it, not trusting others with the power of the position.

Hogwarts' core became cluttered in junk, reducing it even further over time to the twitching glittering wreck it was today...until Harry Potter cleared the clutter from its brain and restored its _full_ intelligence.

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

The doors to the great hall slammed shut with a bang, as everyone sat down to eat, congratulating themselves on getting rid of the 'Great Despoiler' Harry Potter. Even the parents of the pregnant girls had stayed for the celebration.

The headmistress gasped as she felt the wards being torn from her control. The staff turned to her worriedly, after all it wasn't that long ago they were being attacked by Voldemort and his Death Eaters and the only person to defeat him had just been expelled for moral impropriety.

"I can't feel the wards!" Headmistress McGonagall whispered, trying not to alarm the students.

The wall near the doors to the great hall warped and twisted until a man made of stone stood there looking at them with a fair bit of disgust.

"Godric Gryffindor at your service," he introduced himself formally, looking none too pleased to be there. "And I see that my house has fallen far in mine absence. To convict one of your own who was not even given a chance to defend himself."

"Oh no!" McGonagall shouted out. "You'll not lay that sort of tripe on my doorstep; we viewed pensive memories to insure he was guilty. As sad as I am to say it, the boy is guilty and having him present would just have given people more chances to assault him."

"Tsk, tsk," came a voice from the wall behind the Slytherin table as the wall disgorged its own stone man. "My house has fallen even farther than yours Godric, as the head of my house seems to be incapable of seeing through the simple ruse that was used to convict the man!"

There were screams from several of the tables when he introduced himself as Salazar Slytherin.

He snorted in disgust. "Please, Helga was more likely to support or become a Dark Lord than I was."

"Aye," came a feminine voice from behind the puffs rippled, birthing a female figure far closer to Bulstrode than Pomfrey. "For I know that sometimes the people must rise up and smite those that rule them, lest they forget that the only reason they live in luxury is because of the hundreds that toil in the dirt and if the leader of the people must be labeled a lord for those ruling to treat with and dark for the actions needed to free the people ruled unjustly, then so be it!"

Half a dozen puffs passed out as her eyes roamed over the table coldly, glaring at the soft flabby bodies in her sight. "And let's not talk about whose house has fallen the farthest, because if mine hasn't it's only because they bounced on hitting bottom."

The stone figure that stepped from the wall behind the Ravenclaw table bore more than a faint resemblance to Luna Lovegood. "I think we all have reasons to be disappointed Helga. My house has rejected the only free thinker in it, who also happens to be my heir and she did defend him before she was silenced by a bushy haired busybody."

Slytherin raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sure her claims that, if Harry was a man-ho he would've knocked boots with her first, were all that effective, even if the five feet of parchment she brought with her proved it mathematically. Still, I will admit to being impressed with her loyalty and intelligence."

"Harry Potter was just a half-blooded orphan who got lucky," Draco Malfoy said. "Why would you care what happened to him?"

Slytherin rolled his eyes. "He should have been in my house, he was powerful and sought to shape the world into a better place, even if he had to get his hands dirty to do it. He's also my heir."

There were cries of outrage from multiple directions before he spoke up again, "Shut it! Tom Riddle was my heir until his death. Harry became my heir by right of conquest when he offed the nutter. If you want to know who he was the heir for before that, look to Godric."

"Aye." Godric nodded. "Not a bad heir, daily shrivings and weekly fastings would have been as nothing to him. It's just a shame that he fell in with a bad crowd, leading him into shirking duty, even if he did not know it, for fanciful pursuits like flying and temptations with gluttonous, and lustful behavior that, thank the Lord, he shunned. Even denied the light of our Lord God, he strived to do right. I pray for the sake of his soul that he finds his way to the church soon."

"Well, enough of this dilly dallying. Everyone watch the ceiling, it can not only show the sky, but it can replay things that have happened inside the wards. Now won't this be fun?" Ravenclaw said cheerfully, causing a dozen boys Malfoy had supplied with hair samples and Polyjuice to squirm.

**AN: Typing by Lucilla! **

**AN2:Woot, I escaped typing once more!**


End file.
